The gleaming blue light shone on half empty ramen cup that I almost kicked just out of recklessness. I think it was raining outside. And I also think it was almost 4 a.m in the morning. I didn’t recall time anymore here. Time flew by here in the kingdom of mine: where I was the sovereign in damp socks-crown, my aristocrats are the mounting laundry in the corner, too many soda cans, all bow down to me, scattering on my rug. My throne is a rumpled couch from two decades ago where I sadly sink into. I watched my entire empire from a square thing with little people in it, its weird sounds filling up the murky air, sometimes amuse me. Sometimes, just plain static I put on purpose just to feel alive.
There’s no life. I don’t even know the people in the screen were alive. I mean they all look all happy go lucky. There are tears, but it’s too beautiful to be called tears. Real tears don’t look like that. In the land of the living, real tears will cost you your lifetime to recover. At some point in your life, you will drench in it, bath in it, drown in it. Even in the sunny days, I think it was always there. You will find yourself crying. Just crying to no end.
The TV flickers, now there’s these lovebirds.
Love. Is that even there in the first place. There’s no love. If there’s one, I wouldn’t be here. Melting in my couch. Thinking to quit life 24/7. I think I would be in a house with my two beautiful children, waiting my loving husband to come home with tidbits of his day. I’m sorry. I think those soap operas are getting into my head. I know, I know. There was me again, hoping. Hope is a dangerous thing. But it’s all they’re selling. Hope is all they’re selling on TV. Hope more. Hope for more happiness, more love, hope to find the one, the love of your life, hope to have children, to love them and tuck them to bed, hope to spend the rest of your life with your loved one.
Hope is tiring. Hoping is tiring.
I should probably turn it off, the TV.
Once again, the blue light blinking to me, showing me more little people in love in it. But I hit the off button faster than the light.
It’s a goodbye. Goodbye to my kingdom. For now.
