You,
It’s been awhile since the last time I talk to You. How’s life for You? Up there I mean. It must’ve been nice, I suppose. How’s people? You never get tired of watching them? Sometimes, I wonder if you have another thing to do, maybe a hobby You enjoy…golfing on the weekend? Maybe cooking? Or is there no such thing because You can have whatever You want by a snap of a finger.
I’m certain that You don’t need me to explain why I come to You again. I imagine you’re watching me right now. Through your giant screen…around You, the angels are chattering, maybe gossiping — do angels gossip? — hissing about how I fucked up the life You crafted for me. But, I know You know. I know You know why I came to You.
Where else I might be going? After all, one day when You finally decide my time, I shall return to You.
You know, so much thing had happened to me. still happening. So much thing to think. So much feeling to endure. At night, I can hear them begging. Care me, care me. what about me? what about me? at night, I can feel them crawling up, their invisible claws latch onto me, leaving marks in the morning. I’ve been marked. A token so that whenever my mind is unoccupied, they can come again. Cling onto me again.
I think You know this better than I do. I think You know more how it feels like haunted by entities I can never be free from.
You,
In here is a beating lump of blood and vessel. The other day I pressed it with my palm gently, only to feel Your presence. Feeling Your nearness for a second. But in here, in here is so stuffy. Everyday the beat is getting slower and slower. it’s weary. It’s tired. It wants to stop, sometimes. It’s so selfish, I know. how could I wish for death, upon the beautiful Life you hand me with. How could I wish to be gone, to places I neither deserve to be in; hell or heaven. Most importantly, how dare me for wishing to leave the angels in the form of my loved ones You sent nothing but to guard me.
But You said, ask, then You shall grant
So, I’m asking You, with all my humility to grant me peace. I want peace. I wish for peace. Please hear me.
Please.
